You probably already know about The School of Life. It is a collective of psychologists, philosophers and writers operating under a common brand. Started by the writer and philosopher Alain de Botton, The School of Life is a place to learn all the wisdom that truly matters in our lives. They write books, create youtube videos, conduct workshops to teach an important skill that we all need but rarely have: taking care of our emotional health.
Interestingly, The School of Life is also the name of the book created by the same people with the same objectives. Let’s dive straight into it and find out what the book has to offer.
Education
It is easy to notice the problem of education in modern societies. On the one hand we
- reliably educate pilots and neurosurgeons, actuaries and hygienists.
- offer lessons in the irregularities of the French pluperfect and textbooks on the conducive properties of metal alloys.
- create massive infrastructure based on our understanding of science and technology.
and yet, as Alain de Botton points out, rarely does our education system prepare us to
- deal with relationships or marriages.
- learn kindness and become the best version of ourselves.
- navigate our path in this chaotic world where shame and rage surround us.
Basically, no place for our emotional health. The underlying assumption is that emotional insight might be either unnecessary or in essence unteachable, lying beyond reason or method. This is one myth that The School of Life aims to debunk.
Need for emotional intelligence
This is one of the primary goals of this book: to make us emotionally intelligent. Before we talk about that, let’s first understand what emotional intelligence is.
Let’s start with intelligence. We must recognise that there is no such thing as an intelligent person per se — and probably no entirely dumb one either. We all are astonishingly capable of messing up our lives, whatever the prestige of our university degrees, and are never beyond making a sincere contribution, however unorthodox our qualifications. There are different kinds of intelligence — mathematical intelligence, culinary intelligence, literary intelligence, and so on. Each one of us is quite intelligent in one way and not so much in other.
When we speak of emotional intelligence, we are alluding — in a humanistic rather than scientific way — to whether someone understands key components of emotional functioning. We are referring to their ability to introspect and communicate, to read the moods of others, to relate with patience, charity and imagination to the less edifying moments of those around them.
The emotionally intelligent person knows that love is a skill, not a feeling. That it will require trust, vulnerability, generosity, humour, sexual understanding and selective resignation.
The emotionally intelligent person awards themselves the time to determine what gives their working life meaning and has the confidence and tenacity to try to find an accommodation between their inner priorities and the demands of the world.
The emotionally intelligent person knows how to hope and be grateful, while remaining steadfast before the essentially tragic structure of existence.
The emotionally intelligent person knows that they will only ever be mentally healthy in a few areas and at certain moments, but is committed to fathoming their inadequacies and warning others of them in good time, with apology and charm.
That is why we need emotional intelligence. It makes our lives rich and meaningful, and guards us from the path of needless suffering.
Can self-help help?
Once we go past a certain age, we are mostly on our own. No professor comes to guide us in life. We might find certain tools (a self-help book, a meditation course, a motivational speech) here and there, but mostly it is we responsible for ourselves.
The other tricky thing about education (more so with regard to emotional health) is that it never stops. Our true milestones never get marked as do our birthdays or graduation ceremonies. These milestones might include resolving a long-pending issue with our parents, or overcoming the fear of speaking in public. These things matter — sometimes the most — to us and yet we rarely get a chance to actively work on them. Therefore, we must remind ourselves regularly and work on educating ourselves on the most important life-skills. And we have The School of Life to help us along the way.
Reference books:
Kalampedia 