Can men live without women? And if they can, what would their life be like, in such a scenario? It’s a depressing thought. Thankfully, we have literature, which means we can probe this question with a pinch of amusement.
In fact, two of the most delightful writers — Ernest Hemingway and Haruki Murakami — have written books on this subject. Though a century apart — both called their books Men Without Women. That should make our task easy.
Men Without Women… Always a relentlessly frigid plural.
Haruki Murakami
Men Without Women (both versions) is a collection of short stories. Through these stories we get a chance to explore a man’s emotions, particularly when it comes to dealing with the loss of a woman (sometimes presence) in his life.
Let’s start with “presence” before venturing into “absence” and highlight some of the emotional struggles a man goes through in a relationship.
Men are vulnerable
Yes, they are vulnerable. Often fearful too. Particularly when it comes to losing a woman. But they don’t always make it obvious, do they? Unless, you find them in a situation such as that of the major in Hemingway’s short story In Another Country. This is what the major says:
"[A man] cannot marry. He cannot marry," he said angrily. "If he is to lose everything, he should not place himself in a position to lose that. He should not place himself in a position to lose. He should find things he cannot lose."
You can see the truth coming out in frustration. The fear of commitment often comes from fear of losing her.
Men don’t speak like women
This one is fairly obvious, right? There is a difference in the way the two express themselves (makes one think of Oscar Wilde’s timeless line: women love with ears, just as men love with eyes). This complicates the dynamics of a romantic relationship to another level.
In Hemingway’s Men Without Women, there is a short story called Hills Like White Elephants. In this story, a man and a woman struggle to communicate while sitting at a train station. The tension between the two is almost as sizzling as the heat of the Spanish sun. The man, while urging the woman to have the operation, repeatedly says that he really doesn’t want her to do it if she really doesn’t want to.
Then comes that sentence from the woman (which you might have heard a lot of times).
Would you please please please please please please please stop talking?
That’s the mistake you always end up making. To speak or not to speak, and if speak then what to speak, when to speak? — it’s an impossible question to answer.
The tragedy of Men Without Women
So far we saw how men struggle with women in relationship settings. Now, let’s turn to the original question. What happens to men when they have to live without women? Haruki Murakami, in his book Men Without Women, explains this calamity in detail.
Once you've become Men Without Women, loneliness seeps deep down inside your body, like a red-wine stain on a pastel carpet. No matter how many home ec books you study, getting rid of that stain isn't easy. The stain might fade a bit over time, but it will still remain, as a stain, until the day you draw your final breath. It has the right to be a stain, the right to make the occasional, public, stain-like pronouncement. And you are left to live the rest of your life with the gradual spread of that colour, with that ambiguous outline.
Everything is different in this new world, Murakami tells us. It’s not the same anymore. Nothing is.
Sounds are different in that world. So is the way you experience thirst. And the way your beard grows. And the way baristas at Starbucks treat you. Clifford Brown's solos sound different, too. Subway-car doors close in new and unexpected ways. Walking from Omote Sando to Aoyama Itchome, you discover the distance is no longer what it once was.
Is there such a thing called “Moving On”?
Murakami does not think so. Once you lose someone, the pain remains. As mentioned above, he compares it to a stain which might fade but never disappears. The pain of losing one woman does not go away by finding another. You bear this suffering for as long as you live.
You might meet a new woman, but no matter how wonderful she may be (actually, the more wonderful she is, the more this holds true), from the instant you meet, you start thinking about losing her. The suggestive shadow of sailors, the sound of foreign tongues they speak (is it Greek? Estonian? Tagalog?), leaves you anxious. The names of exotic ports around the world unnerve you. Because you already know what it means to be Men Without Women. You are a pastel-coloured Persian carpet, and loneliness is a Bordeaux wine stain that won't come out. Loneliness is brought over from France, the pain of the wound from the Middle East. For Men Without Women, the world is a vast, poignant mix, very much the far side of the moon.
Coming back to the first question, can men live without women? Yes. They can and they do. But it’s never the same as it once was.
Reference books
Kalampedia 