Friendship is older than Philosophy. We can say that with a high degree of certainty — as there are many reasons. One of them, not the most convincing, but perhaps the most endearing, is dogs. You look at a dog and you are led to believe at once that friendship was there long before any signs of philosophy could appear. But, you knew that, didn’t you?
Human friendships have evolved along with us, and so have our views on it. In every era, philosophers have deliberated over this. And they came up with different ways to explain and understand this phenomenon.
What did they find?
For that, we’ll have to turn the pages of history and see what the philosophers were saying. Let’s do that.
Ancient Indian philosophy of friendship
Mahabharata is a major Hindu epic. Interwoven into this narrative are several smaller stories about people dead or living, and philosophical discourses. In Mahabharata’s Sanatsugatiya episode we learn about what a friendship looks like. Notice how this ancient philosophy explains it in really simple words.
A friend is happy when something good happens to his friend. A friend is sad when something bad happens to his friend. A friend shares even his best things with his friend. A friend doesn’t keep count, waiting for his gifts to be repaid. A friend does his own work, he doesn’t count on his friend to work for him. A friend puts his friendship above profits.
Confucius’s philosophy of friendship
As was the case with many ancient civilisations, Chinese philosophers, too, emphasised on virtue. They saw friendship through a lens of virtue, not amusement. The latter is something we, in modern societies, do. We emphasise a lot more on how we feel in someone’s presence. That could be one of the many legacies of the age of romanticism. But, that does not mean that our view is wrong. It’s simply different.
Coming back to the Chinese philosophy, Confucius is very specific about his instructions on friendship. In The Analects, for example, he identifies different types of friends, good and bad.
There are three sorts of friends that are helpful, and three sorts that are harmful. Friendship with the upright, with the trust-worthy, and the learned is helpful, while that with the obsequious, the double-faced, and those who use cunning words is harmful.
Confucius
Aristotle’s philosophy of friendship
Let’s go from East to West, in ancient Greece, to be precise. Once again, you’d notice rationality being imposed on friendship, not emotion.
In Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle describes three kinds of friendships: a friendship of utility, a friendship of pleasure and a perfect friendship. Why every philosopher seems to be obsessed with number three, you might say? Now, that’s some food for thought. We will discuss that some other time.
The friendship of utility is the first kind of friendship Aristotle covers. These friendships are based on what the two people involved can do for one another. These often have little to do with the other individual as a person at all.
The second is the friendship of pleasure. These are the friendships based on enjoyment of a shared activity and the pursuit of fleeting pleasures and emotions.
The final category is “True” friendship. The friendship of virtue (notice virtue, again) or the friendship of “the good”. These are the people you like for themselves, the people who push you to be a better person.
Francis Bacon’s philosophy of friendship
Let’s come to The Renaissance now. In his essay titled Of Friendship, Francis Bacon sheds more light on the subject. Bacon makes us see the uncomfortable sides of friendship — the desire for companionship, for instance. Where does this desire come from? Are we lonely?
Bacon thinks so. He says, it is the miserable solitude that compels a person to make friends and a person wills to want true friends without which the world is not other than a place of wilderness.
He tells us about the loneliness one experiences in crowds. Great cities are great solitudes.The reason behind this very statement is that in greater cities, friends are scattered and there is no fellowship.
By now, emotions and passions had seeped into the definition of friendship. That’s why, Bacon warns us against such mistakes by giving a few examples.
Brutus had slowly made his way to Caesar’s heart. He was Caesar’s closest confidant and adviser. As a reward of the enduring companionship provided by Brutus, Caesar in his will had made Brutus his heir after his nephew. Brutus had cast a spell over Caesar, an influence the latter never suspected as wicked. This is what can happen if you give in to passion.
Alain de Botton’s philosophy of friendship
As mentioned before, modern friendships are different, way different. At the same time, friendship as a concept may have declined overall, as we started expecting all the benefits (friend, companion, soulmate) from our partner. This may work in some cases, while it could be disastrous in many.
Alain de Botton highlights this specific point. In fact, he suggests that friendships are much more enjoyable than a romantic relationship. In friendship, he says, we bring our highest and noblest virtues. Here we are patient, encouraging, tolerant, funny and – most of all – kind. We expect a little less and therefore, by extension, forgive an infinite amount more. De Botton describes five kinds (here too we have deviated from the ancients) of friendships in the modern world.
Five kinds of friendships
Networking. We build professional relationships which help us succeed as well as learn new subjects.
Reassurance. We are emotional beings at heart. So, now, we have compartmentalised our friendships. Our friends who provide emotional reassurances are often different from those who help us in professional tasks.
Fun. We are pleasure-seeking modern minds. And that’s why we cannot afford to miss out on having fun with friends.
Clarifying our minds. These are purely intellectual friendships. We share long conversations with friends who stimulate our minds.
Holding on to the past. We have been friends with someone and now we are not that close. But we let it continue in its feeble form. Nostalgia keeps us close to them, more so in our head, though, rather than in any physical form.
Kalampedia 
