I know, it’s not cowardice. For I have seen enough cowards who wouldn’t inflict a bruise upon themselves, leave aside searching for: how to commit suicide?
Nor am I going to argue on any philosophical grounds; I am perfectly aware that I would lose the argument. From Plato to Hume, there are ready-made arguments in your favour. By the way, didn’t Socrates choose to die too when he could have fled from Athens after he was sentenced to death?
There will be some that might say: it’s just wrong. I am not among them either. The moment you ask, why?—they immediately run out of reasons. The religious argument falls apart by the example of Jesus Christ (in Hinduism or Buddhism, it’s even easier to make this claim) and the atheistic argument can be turned down by some fairly simple explanations such as that of freedom, lack of free-will, not answerable to higher authority and so on.
Others might suggest: it’s good if you keep living. But how? You may wonder. Isn’t it good to save a person’s life who is living a happy life? As it would prolong his happiness. Similarly, isn’t it good to end your life if you are suffering? That would save you from further suffering, wouldn’t it?
If there are those who might question your clarity of thoughts, I would rather question theirs. It requires great clarity to tackle with the existential dilemmas. Albert Camus said, “There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide.” Somebody who can contemplate on life’s most frightening problems must have got some clarity at least.
We are on the same page, I believe. I would grant you that there are more reasons to die than to live. Besides, I am not here to persuade here to do (or not do) anything either. I am only here—with your permission, of course—to speak to you.
Now, there could be a variety of reasons for your insistence on putting an end to your life. It could very well be the case that you are new in this territory. Perhaps it’s not something that you have long contemplated and are only considering it because of a sudden shock. If that is the case, I would urge you to not be hasty and give yourself some time. Let me explain, why.
Taking your life at this point would be like killing a child who is oblivious of what is coming next in life. Surely, the suffering is immense and there seems no end to it—but if you give yourself a moment, you’d realise what I am speaking of. What if, in your last moments, suddenly, you start to regret this choice and there seems no coming back? You better be sure about this, my friend. Give it a thought—a lot of it, in fact—and then we can have a better conversation.
On the other hand, if you have been carrying this burden for a long time and have made up your mind, I would still like you to consider a few things. As I have said, I am aware that it is neither an act of cowardice nor a miscalculation. You must have given up on life long before the actual act. Maybe, there has been too much suffering; or maybe, you don’t see any point in life, nothing meaningful to look forward to. Let’s consider both scenarios.
The suffering part first.
We can safely assume that it would have been the psychological aspect of suffering that’s been tormenting you. Of course, it comes with physical suffering and you do feel it in your body. But nothing compared to what you feel in your head. And the hopelessness that comes with pain and despair. I am sorry about that. But, what if I told you that there are other ways to put an en end to your suffering that you haven’t discovered? What if your mind hasn’t served you well in understanding things or people well? What if this—however big this is—could be changed? Would you like to consider these possibilities? Would you kill yourself if you had a fever? I am sure, not. Then why go that far if something is affecting your mind. Surely, there is a way out of this.
The more complicated case is when you have no emotions left. When you have given up on life. Why live in that case? What’s the point, after all? Of anything? What are we doing in this train, anyway, if we are to get off at some random station? Oh me! Oh life! The questions of these recurring…
If these are the questions that you are struggling with and yet feeling perfectly healthy in your body and mind, I invite you to talk about it. Share your ideas. Because what you feel is something everybody feels at some level but is afraid to speak up. Most of us put it behind the curtains until the question comes back and starts to haunt us again. You are not alone in that train—I told you. We all are. We all are confused, terrified, facing hopelessness while living in denial. Maybe we can talk about that. Maybe it can be a start, if you are willing to give it a chance.
Or…
If you still wish to go ahead, sure. Just let me make one final suggestion. Don’t worry, it won’t keep you from dying and might actually reward with a rebirth.
Here is what you do…
Burn every damn thing that you own. You’ve got to clean that mess, right? Don’t leave anything behind. No belongings. No memory. If you are going to go away, then why should all these possessions suffer in your absence? Finish them off. And when you put fire, do not turn your gaze away. Have the courage to look straight into death.
What about the people you love and care about—people whose presence has made it difficult for you to make such a choice. Well, you don’t owe anybody anything, but you at least owe them a goodbye. To be not able to do that would be cowardice. And I know that you are not one.
So, what do you tell them?
You tell them that you are leaving. That you have lived your life and cannot do it any longer. And that is precisely what you are going to do. You are going to leave. You are going to run. You are going to run until you find yourself running out of breaths. Until your legs begin to hurt. Until your stomach cannot take it anymore.
You are not going to swallow some stupid pills or jump off an architecturally-challenged bridge. Hell no! You are far more wise. You are brave. And you have been patient for a long, long time. That’s why, I trust you in your final journey as well.
Don’t jump. Take a walk. A walk into death. Slowly. Let the days go by. Let your body and mind be so exhausted that they can’t decide anything. Let the life within you decide without anyone (or you) interfering in its matters. Let it face the death. Let it choose its own path. I promise you, that’s when the rebirth would happen.
Kalampedia 